Poetry from my past

7/25/08
In the evening when it’s dark,
And the moon has yet to shine,
My eyes, too tired to wake
Now awake, my mind afire.
I sip the thickening air
And swallow my shallow breath
And feel the life slip slowly
I lay a memory to death.
The streetlight, all that lingers,
The curb, as it is lit,
The silence echoes loudly
The thoughts pulled from a pit.
The depths to which I wander
Will I come back alone?
Or will another join me
And then I’ll wander on?
No direction I feel pulled to
No pathway to the sky,
No guidance to mislead me
This time I don’t ask why.
The end of the road is upon me,
The pathway, an abrupt stop.
Here, I’ll lay my arms down,
Here, my body drops.
Tomorrow is a new day,
This statement always true
But to whom is not the question
It’s the ever present doom.
The sun will rise and shine again
And the Earth will pass through time
One less body among the clutter
Will I know when it’s mine?
Too soon or too long here
The matter not quite at hand
Yet the decision for the matter
Not quite my final plan.
But in the evening when it’s dark
And the moon has yet to shine,
My eyes too tired to wake,
Instead see what’s in my mind.

7/31/08
No, not really homicidal
Though there are days, suicidal
I just can’t handle the idle
Of the seemingly mundane.

Ideas spinning ‘round about
Try to whisper, can only shout
Oh I yearn to clamber out
Of the seemingly inane.

Eyelids flutter, whisk away
Tears are falling, they won’t abate,
They wash my skin, oh leave a stain
Of the seemingly insane.

Pulse racing quickly, fast,
Pressure rises, thoughts long past
A path through, that fate has cast,
Of the seemingly terrain.



8/14/08
Empty passes through my mind
See the flame dance before my eyes
Burn my skin, it’s alive with red
Staring, feel nothing, am I dead?
The match, my fingertips are burning
The smell of my nail, my stomach churning
I blink back a tear and swallow a sob
Failed at the one thing, rendered a slob.
Drop the match, set the bed afire.
Mattress burns slowly, to you I’m a liar.
Miserable deadbeat, a mooch, I’m no good
Crawl into my sweater, tighten the hood.
Leave the door open for the flame to escape
No urgency, walking, slowly close the gate.
Empty passes through my eyes as the flames dance inside my mind.



8/14/08
Unhinged, my hair singed, clinging to nothing alive.

Psychosis is simple, thoughts don’t coincide.
One thing unrelated adopts the topic of another.
My goal of the day interrupted by another.
Happy then sad yet neither just flat with a smile and a tear, blank stare, how’d I get here?
And deep in the confines of a brain in a skull, sanity screaming has no sway, no pull.
Someone’s watching me, lonely, not alone, I hate people around, yet hate being alone.
Stop looking at me looking at you while you judge me I would never judge you.
The walls show me faces, spots on the tile crawl.
My tears wash the ceiling, the stairs, well they fall.
Eyes watch me through the window
My heart starts its racing.
Footsteps outside on my roof
Who’s there pacing?
A little white pill, I swallow and listen
It’s all in my head with my imagination.


9/16/08
Smoke infused, battered, bruised, bittersweet I stand accused and wandering alone.
Heavy head, thoughts to dread, tomorrow dead, leave it all alone.
Stand behind, drink, unwind, settle mine down I’m on my own.
Treading slow, I stop, you go. Swear to me ‘no’. I’m gone.